Intermission. (300 words)

Sometimes people plan to understand you, but along the way they lose sight of their intention. In parties of two, there will always be the one who needs more…attention. Today, it seems that person is me. I would much rather be the hero in our story–in spite of the fact that neither one of us is certified to save. Under duress, I burn my house down because I was never given another option. My experience of life taught me it is better to go out swinging rather than give compromise a try. In my family, we do not just disagree. We will not speak for weeks–sometimes going to physical blows if a wound is particularly damaging.

I try to explain this truth, but your eyes only see how this increases our distance. I admit I am lost and need directions to cross the bridge back to you. However, I wonder if you will meet me in time or change your mind because I need more certainty than the average human being. It is not fair to ask someone to love us unconditionally if we are not willing to sacrifice our “comfort” for peace. I am wrong often but it is hard to make amends to a person whose arms are closed to you.

Lovers on a mission need to know when it is time to let go. Not of each other, but of the animosity burning a hole in the foundation of the building. What is most important to you? Because pain has a way with words–twisting their meaning until you forget what and who you are fighting for. We are more than dysfunction but even the enemy has a say. He will always stand in opposition, asking for more chaos and destruction. And right now we are losing.

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3 thoughts on “Intermission. (300 words)

  1. Sometimes I have a hard time separating the idea of setting healthy boundaries with fighting. When I try to set boundaries they are interpreted by others as me “starting a fight.” I guess in a way I am. I fighting for my right to feel safe and in control. But I backslide and wonder too if my “fight” is even worth it when all it gains is loss of relationship. But maybe the relationship isn’t worth keeping if my need for boundaries and respect isn’t worth it to them to give and respect back. Relationships are hard.

    • I feel like this sometimes too. Wondering if asserting how I feel makes any positive difference when every time I do I am either “wrong” or “overreacting”. When we feel like we aren’t heard or understood or respected we run the risk of not fighting for anything. I hope your right is worth it!

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