Yesterday morning, I wrote something from a very dark place. Fed up in my heart and sick to my stomach with some of the trials of life. If I am angry with the way things are going, I turn to writing to relieve stress and get difficult feelings off my chest.
But at all times, I must be careful not to tempt the door of bitterness.
I firmly believe all things happen the way they are meant and for reasons that are sometimes unknown to me. Especially when the outcome is nothing like I originally thought.
For example, this past Saturday my teacher dismissed us early from a 3 hour class–which never happens. This professor schedules work up until the very last minute. Yet for some reason, after our test he let us go half an hour early. 5 minutes into my drive I received a call from my sister telling me a family member needed to go to the hospital.
Had I been in class at the time, I would not have gotten her call.
I am learning that, no matter how I feel in the midst of chaos–I must be firm in the direction I am called. We make decisions based on what we feel is best–but sometimes our decisions are wrong.
And nothing feels as bad as being dragged away from a path you were never meant to be on.
So you made a mistake and now have to adapt to a new, uncharted course. How does it help you now to focus on things you thought were forever–but instead are gone?
The short answer is, it does not.
When things go south, or crap hits the fan and I am required to do something hard–the first thing I often try to do is deny that anything is wrong. I retreat into my subconscious thoughts and pull back from making a compromise. Or, I will do the exact opposite. I blow up, throwing daggers and knives at the people I love.
Neither of these reactions will ever lead to a positive resolve.
I do not want be a person who lives on fluctuating emotions. I want a stable existence, not nonsensical drama for my writing. I want to collaborate with people who inspire a creative and productive life. I crave people who talk others up instead of pushing them down. I need people who are willing to give everything to someone who needs it–people for which the term selfish, does not register at all.
“Set Your Heart Free” – Christian Schloe
After I deleted my unnecessary rant I was granted a small glimpse of the new era to come.
Funny how that seems to work.
We talked about our similar interests and parallel course–splitting up when our paths went in opposite directions.
I waited by the elevator thinking about our conversation. But when I turned around, there he was–standing right behind me.
I blushed when he said, “I want to know more”.