When someone loves you completely, you can feel the full force of their desire. A knowable certainty sparks your soul with a recognition of undeniable truth. It feels like walking into a room and instantly seeing your person in the midst of a crowd.
A magnetic force impossible to divide.
The opposite is true if you doubt someone’s love for you. Instead of freedom, doubt will taint your movements. You will walk with tightness around your rib cage and pain in places you cannot soothe. Feeling like you can not remember what life was like without the ache.
Women wear love on their face. Watch as blood rushes to crimson red cheeks and eyes that smile without even trying. Compared to men who strut like proud peacocks. Their chests filled up to the brim with the natural high of being in love.
It is a terrible tragedy when lovers forget how much they once meant to each other. They lay–back to back in bed at night, praying for the busyness of the next day instead of being present with the one they love. The sense of an abrupt ending choking their waking thoughts.
Panicking in pursuit of the quickest exit route.
My greatest fear was not that I would never fall in love, but that the one I loved would fall out. And it is funny how fear will manifest and color every decision when it is allowed to roam unchecked. I said I wanted love, but I kept love at an arm’s distance. I refused to give love access to the dark spaces poking holes in my heart. Careful to protect the lies I was taught to feed to my mind.
Love for me, was abandonment.
The parent who loved their addictions more than me. Or the friend who was more accurately an enemy. In love, I was a fighter without the necessary training. Every time I found myself in its cage, I lost the match within minutes of the bell ringing.
I believe every lover has a chance to recover once you remember that you are part of the same team. Most matches are lost because the group effort is at an odds. One person is stuck doing all the work while the other refuses to be their relief. Some people defer to the “finishing move” instead of fighting for the ones they love.
I know you lost love once.
That you fought unprepared with a teammate who could not care less. I know you blamed yourself for their ambivalence. That you thought being smarter, thinner or quieter would win their affection. But you were wrong. You are worth more than a love who stands on the sidelines while you defend what you believe. You deserve love that will meet you farther than halfway. You deserve a person who will stand with you on equal footing.
After all love is two fighters, with both feet in the ring.